Do You Have Curly Hair Too? A Journey.
I think I’ve received every single question and comment under the sun about my hair, including but not limited to – “Oh my goodness, can I touch your hair?” “Does your hair just grow like that?” “How long does it take you to do allll that?” “Oh. Your hair is super soft.” “So you just shower… with water… and that’s what you end up with?” It goes on and on and on and on. One thing I’ve learned is that the general population is genuinely captivated by what my hair can do. How did I end up with these tantalizing tresses? Let’s rewind and start from the beginning.
The Beginning
When I was a little lady, I remember having the most beautiful hair. Pigtails, braids, and ponytails were my jam and I LOVED barrettes! Just like most young black girls, I was familiar with the hot comb on those special occasions when I wanted to wear it down. To this day, I fear things near my ears due to the flashbacks of searing pain if I moved while the blazing comb encroached. By the time middle school came around, I had a relaxer on my hair; whether done at home or in a shop, my hair was always LAID.
I was a tomboy, so hear me out real quick: I thought a relaxer was necessary. From swimming, to basketball, to track, a young Hayden didn’t have time to worry about her hair and if it was being “unruly.” Too many activities, too little time. Growing up in Arizona didn’t help my case one bit. I was surrounded by pale girls with straight hair and thought that was the norm and as a kid, I didn’t want to be different – did I mention I was a tall, gangly thing, as well? I already received enough attention as it was. So I thought, “maybe if my hair is straight, I won’t stand out as much.” Joke was on me.
The Middle
By the time I entered high school, I stopped relaxing my hair. I was ready for the big time, baby – FLAT IRON, HERE I COME! I spent at least four hours a week flat ironing my hair. Four hours… Yes, four whole hours. Breakage was my new best friend. Not only did I straighten my hair, I began dying it at age 16 – I even bleached it at home. Yikes. But hey, as long as my hair was straight, everything was smooth sailing. Pun intended.
Remember when clip-in extensions were all the rage? Yeah, me neither. That didn’t stop me from buying them though! Pair the flat-ironed hair with the clip-ins… You couldn’t tell me anything! I thought I was the one and the two. This phase lasted quite a few years until I finally had enough.
I remember it like it was yesterday – one day I just became exhausted. I was tired of feeling fake, hiding, not feeling beautiful, worrying about what others thought of me, frying my hair, and ultimately covering up who I knew I was meant to be. At the beginning of my natural hair journey, I didn’t know that the end result I was seeking was going to be as profound and complex as it turned out to be. What started as, “We’ll give this a go, I want to feel pretty,” turned into, “Wow, I’ve never felt so connected to the earth and God at the same time.” Once I began shedding my fixation on mainstream beauty and turned the spotlight inwards to my own heart, everything changed.
The Curly Beginning
In 2014, I started my natural journey. **Disclaimer** I need to make it perfectly clear that I had absolutely NO idea what I was doing and nearly all of my hair was heat damaged down to the root. To remedy this, I did braid-outs and twist-outs with practically every wash. If I didn’t enjoy the results, up in a bun it went! What helped me in this awkward phase was protective styles. I tried a weave… sidebar – I can’t keep protective styles to save my life. They always lasted maybe three weeks – tops. RIP weave, hello chin-length haircut.
In 2015, I went back and tried another weave… as if I hadn’t learned the first go around. This time, I chose to do a closure so I wouldn’t feel compelled to straighten any of my hair I was so desperately trying to protect. That didn’t last long and I was back to straightening my hair. In the summer of 2015, I visited my mom in Washington, D.C. for a few weeks and booked an appointment at a salon called Fiddleheads – they specialize in DevaCurl techniques.
Please keep in mind, I still had no idea what I was doing. The appointment blew my mind! Not only did they cut off all of my yucky pieces, they actually taught me how to love on my hair. I brought this newfound information and confidence back with me to Arizona and gave it the good old college try. Though my hair was still quite awkward to me, I fooled everyone due to my restored confidence.
The Curly Middle
When 2016 rolled around, I felt like a professional. I was deep conditioning weekly, I purchased a stationary hairdryer to help with my routine, and I geeked out on DevaCurl products – my bank account can attest to this. When I tell you I was feelin’ myself… I was feeeeeelin’ myself. New me, who dis? I found a DevaCurl salon in Arizona called Curls Gone Wild. I began going there twice a year for trims and to be refreshed on how my curls work.
One thing I wasn’t prepared for is due to my curls becoming healthier and healthier: they became tighter and tighter. With these fresh curls came yet another curveball… Different textures all over my head. Don’t be alarmed though, it’s normal and honestly quite fun discovering what your hair does when you leave it be. October 2016 was when I started getting highlights. I wanted to add depth and dimensions, so of course, I chose blonde and I’ve never looked back.
Quick Advice
It’s surreal that I began this journey nearly seven years ago. Women ask me all the time how to get my hair and here’s all my advice:
* Be patient: as annoying as it is to hear this, it’s my number one secret. It’s taken years for my hair to get to where it is now. The process cannot be rushed.
* Love on yourself (hair included): On the days my hair got me so frustrated, I wanted to cry, I had to remember, “You are beautiful no matter what, baby girl.” And just put my hair up and kept it pushing. Most people can’t tell you’re having a bad day unless you tell them (or it’s written all over your vibes). Confidence will leave people shook, even when you feel at your lowest.
* Condition, condition, condition: Did I say condition? I made kitchen specials all the time so I wasn’t spending extra money on conditioner. Olive oil, banana, avocado, egg, mayonnaise… I mixed up some interesting ingredients when in a pinch.
* Put your straightener away: For real though. No amount of heat protectors will stop the heat from damaging your hair. You may be wondering, “What about every once in a while?” But I don’t suggest it. It was tough for me to put down the straightener as it was part of my daily ritual, but I had to decide what was more important to me – Fleeting happiness with my straight hair or a sense of wholeness and oneness with myself, the earth, and God.
Frustration Warning
I must warn everybody I come in contact with that everyone’s curls are different. I know for a fact, you’ve been duped by a curly YouTuber into thinking your hair was exactly like theirs and their products and routine would work for you all the same. Congratulations, you played yourself! I will admit, I’ve played myself too. We’re in this together and I have great news for you. Learning your hair takes time.
To this day, I’m still figuring out what my hair enjoys and prefers – from product, to routine, and styling. I feel like I have tried over 50 different products and dozens of different routines. Curly hair is temperamental and has a mind of its own. I don’t understand how I can love on it and sometimes it still fights me – how rude. I change my technique every few months, typically with the season. Curls can be unpredictable but stick with it – the outcome is worth the periodic struggle.
The Now
Even though this process has come with some learning curves, periods of doubt, and times where I looked in the mirror and didn’t see the big hair of my dreams, I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. It has led me to an intricate exploration of my true self and far deeper than what meets the eye. It has prompted me to ask myself the tough questions, face who I truly am, and examine the deep-rooted and intimate elements of, “Who does Hayden want to become?” I’ve grown exponentially more than I could have imagined prior to stepping outside my comfort zone. I have learned that I am more than my curls and my hair doesn’t define me. I am ultimately the one who gets to choose who I am. Choosing myself over and over has been an exceptional love affair.
